


The Summer of My Smiles

by rootofshiona



Category: That '70s Show
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, Internalized Transphobia, Multi, Slow Burn, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Kelso
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-11-26
Packaged: 2021-02-18 01:21:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21519583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rootofshiona/pseuds/rootofshiona
Summary: I've felt the coldness of my winterNever thought it would ever go.She always pushed it down. Thoughts of maybe being like them, accepting that she could never be who she was expected to be. But she let herself wonder, on late nights... could she possibly break through the walls of denial she'd spent her whole life constructing?Trans girl Kelso, eventual Hyde/Kelso pairing. Title and first line of the description from The Rain Song by Led Zeppelin, because... it's a That '70s show fic.
Relationships: Eric Forman/Donna Pinciotti, Jackie Burkhart/Fez, Jackie Burkhart/Michael Kelso (mentioned), Steven Hyde/Michael Kelso
Comments: 3
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, everybody. I am no stranger to writing That '70s show fics, but I am a bit foreign to writing trans fics, especially about trans women. However, this idea came to me one night and I wanted to see where it could go. I can't say that I canonically think of Kelso as trans, but there are a lot of instances in the show in which he shows a more feminine side. Now, this doesn't mean automatically that he must be a girl, but this is just an experimental AU I'm playing with. I am not trans myself, but I have a few trans friends and I have researched the subject a lot, so I hope that my writing is accurate, and if not, feel free to correct me. I was thinking of also making Eric trans in this story (FTM), but honestly, for a fic set in the 70s, I think it would be unlikely for too many characters to identify as LGBT or trans, so perhaps I will try trans Eric in another fic. For now, Kelso is the only LGBT character, although her past relationship with Jackie and how it affects Jackie's sexuality is touched upon.

He lay awake, staring at the ceiling. His breath came in ragged and yet even increments as his chest raised up slowly, then lowered in a more haphazard rhythm.

Brooke lay next to him, slumbering peacefully. She did not know the demons her boyfriend and the father of her child was struggling with.

Boyfriend. Father.

Michael Kelso felt undeserving of those titles. More so, he felt as if they didn't fit him. Honestly, he didn't even feel like a "him".

'Try it out', he thought. 'See how it feels.'

So he took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and let the pronouns slip.

She had spent her entire life pushing thoughts like these aside. For her entire life, she was expected to be one of the boys, from the first friend she made in Kindergarten, then all the way through high school. Her tasks? Be loud, crass and crude. Sleep with many women, date few. Make inappropriate sexual innuendos, do stupid shit with other boys like her. Act like nothing ever bothered her, push down all her emotions, and above all? Never, EVER, let those feminine desires show through. An interest in makeup and women's clothing? A scandal. A wish to dance disco with the girls? Even more laughable. Any interest that was not strictly masculine was frowned upon and treated as a disease of the mind.

Truth be told, Kelso didn't mind the sex, even though she sometimes wished she could try having sex with a boy - girls were still good, and her anatomy was made for it, she supposed. She also didn't mind the weed. God, she didn't mind the weed. From the first time Hyde had taken from his mother's stash and they'd lit a joint in Forman's basement, the instant euphoria and peace that overtook her mind blocked out everything else. All the thoughts she struggled with each day, her masculine side competing with the feminine - all gone. For a few hours, lost in the haze of marijuana smoke, she was just her - Michael Kelso, no gender, no complications, no real identity or thoughts - and she loved it.

But then, as she came down from the high and her thoughts started to materialize into something recognizable again, the shame and the insecurity returned. She again felt terrified of who she was, how she felt so out of line with the others she was supposed to see as her peers.

The fear was so strong that she shoved it down and behaved even more like a stereotypical man. She had wild, reckless sex, moving from girl to girl as they were swayed by Michael Kelso's boyish charms and androgynous good looks alike. Eventually, she started dating Jackie Burkhart, and the feminine urges disappeared altogether as they began to have sex regularly. Until the urges appeared again when Jackie insisted she try putting makeup on Michael, so she could look 'like Bowie'.

"Come on, Michael," she'd insisted, staring, seemingly, straight through her soul. "You have such pretty eyes." The compliment warmed Kelso, made her feel a way that she had never felt before. Before she knew what she was doing, she had let Jackie start to flip up her eyebrows and add slight touches of makeup to her face. Then the wants and the needs resurfaced and she panicked, but also settled into the role. Wearing the lipstick, the eye shadow and eventually, the dress, felt so natural and calming that she let go of her inhibitions and danced around the room with Jackie, feeling more free than she ever had before.

She wanted to feel like that again. Enough with the fragile displays of masculinity, the boring male clothes, the sexist job she kept to pay the bills. She might not have been as smart as she'd been in middle school, but she was smart enough to know that living with these cravings, this feeling of only half-completion, was not living.

She loved her girlfriend and her daughter, but she was sick of being someone she wasn't.

Michael Kelso sat up in bed and decided that tomorrow would be the day that she would finally open up. She was going to tell Jackie - and maybe she would start going by Michelle until she found a better name.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelso comes out to Jackie.

She sat Jackie down opposite to her on the sofa, taking a deep breath to prepare for what she was about to say.

"Michael, what brings you here? This seems pretty out of nowhere."

Fez was at work, so this had given Kelso the chance to talk to Jackie one-on-one, which honestly made her much less anxious. She had a feeling in her gut that Jackie would be way more accepting than any of the guys, even though she hoped that they would understand as well.

"Jackie, I wanna start off by saying that I'm sorry for how I treated you when we were together. Cheating on you, taking you for granted, none of it was acceptable. I wasn't thinking correctly... I was thinking with my dick and not my head."

Jackie smirked a bit. "Well, thank you, Michael, that means a lot. I guess I wasn't the best either. I mean, I did cheat on you as well. Just not as much. I guess maybe our relationship wasn't built to last, but deep down, you were a good boyfriend."

Kelso tensed. "That's sort of what I wanted to talk to you about. I need to tell you something. You see..." She trailed off for a minute, then regained her composure. "See, the way that I acted when we were together, I was only acting that way because I felt like I had to be a man. But lately, I've realized that... I'm kind of not. I actually think I might be a woman?" 

She gave Jackie a timid grin, and Jackie only stared back with wide open eyes. 

The short brunette was silent for a moment, and Kelso's heart hammered in her chest.

"Wow... Well, alright. I guess that does kind of make sense. You always seemed like a regular guy to me, but you did seem a bit feminine when it came to, like, make-up and stuff. So I am surprised, but I see where this is coming from."

Kelso let out a breath she barely realized she'd been holding. 

"So you're okay with...me? Being like this? Not a guy, I mean."

Jackie nodded firmly. "Yes, I am. It's a bit weird and might take some getting used to, since I've known you like this so long... but I accept it and I will definitely try to help you through it, Michael." After saying it, the smile dropped from her face.

"Wait, are you going to keep going by Michael? I mean, it's a nice name, but it isn't really... a woman's name?"

Kelso shrugged. "Well, the guys mostly call me Kelso, so that kind of takes care of the problem, but I was thinking I would start going by Michelle, until I find a name that fits better. Or I might just keep it as Michelle since that's the easiest thing to do. It's not really on my list of high priorities right now," she smiled.

Jackie smiled back. "Michelle. I like that. Easy to remember as well."

The two sat in silence for a while, more comfortable than it had been minutes before.

Jackie had a few more questions, her inquisitive side nagging at her. She wanted to know more about this secret that Michelle had hidden from her for so long. "So, are you still into girls? Or are you gay - I mean, straight. Into guys. Sorry." She blushed.

Kelso laughed. "Don't worry about it. I am definitely into girls. I was very attracted to you and loved being with you, so don't doubt what we had or anything. I have always been curious about guys, though. I always felt like I couldn't try anything because being gay isn't exactly favored around here, or anywhere, but I have wondered what it would be like to kiss Forman and Hyde before. Fez too." Now it was her turn to blush. Dammit, she confessed a bit too much.

Jackie nodded, deep in thought. "Makes sense. Speaking of which, are you going to tell the others? Eric, Steven, Fez and Donna?"

"I'm not sure. I know I have to eventually - they're my best friends even if I don't see them much anymore cause of living in Chicago, so they need to know. Donna will probably be pretty cool about it, she's always been a feminist so she's probably supportive of guys who wanna be girls and vice-versa. The others, though, I don't know. Fez has always been fairly flamboyant but who knows. Hyde likes to rebel against conformity but this is something totally out of left field, and Forman has always been really weird about masculinity and stuff so he might be weird about it. I just don't know how I'm gonna go about telling them. Maybe we can all go hang out at Forman's like we used to and sit in the circle and I'll tell them when I'm properly toasted," she trailed off, chuckling. 

Jackie listened to her ex-girlfriend ramble, listening intently. She had no idea that Michael - Michelle, paid so much attention to all of her friend's personalities and had this level of insight. Even when they were dating, Kelso had always seemed rather one dimensional, more excited to have sex than to discuss the world and the future. Perhaps years of living as a man when she wasn't one had stifled her intellectual side, as well as the regular weed use. Jackie knew that she'd probably been smoking less since she'd moved to Chicago with Brooke and Betsy.

She rubbed her hand up and down Kelso's arm comfortingly. "Well, whatever you decide to do, I'm here for you. We may not be romantically involved anymore and we may have both hurt each other, but my wounds have healed and I'm ready to support you as a friend. If living as a woman is going to make you happy, then I'm all for it, even though I don't know that much about it."

Kelso smiled at her wonderful friend and ex-girlfriend. She was so lucky.

"Thank you, Jackie. It means a lot."

"Of course. Hey, Fez is probably going to be home in a few hours, would you like to stick around and tell him when he gets here? It might help if I'm there as well to explain further to him."

Kelso shook her head. "I appreciate the thought, but it's okay. I think I'd be better off telling the other four all together sometime soon. That way I don't have to explain it to each individual person. I will tell Brooke soon, though. I just wanted to tell you first, because... honestly, you're part of the reason I figured this out. Back when we were dating in high school and you put make-up on me that one night, and a dress, and we danced... I finally felt like myself, and something just clicked. I've thought about it ever since, but only now am I deciding to do something about it. So anyway, thank you."

They embraced, tightly but quickly. Kelso and Fez were good friends, and Fez trusted her, but Kelso didn't wanna risk Fez coming home early and assuming that his friend was trying to make a move on his girlfriend.

Kelso was just really glad that she had this kind of support, and the talk couldn't have gone better. She still was a bit worried about how the guys would react, and Donna to an extent, but at least she knew that whatever happened, she'd always have Jackie as a friend.

Now she had to tell Brooke. That was going to be much harder.


End file.
